6 years sober; I Can Still Tap the Well

 

“But I have come to believe that you can escape your demons and still tap the well.”                                                                                    -David Byrne in "How Music Works"

I celebrate 6 years sober today. The improvements in my life keep coming year by year.  I've become a regular audiobook listener. I alternate between self-help/learning and just entertaining. Currently I'm finishing David Byrne's "How Music Works." I've been scribbling down a lot of inspiring quotes from this book but the above one really struck me. 

I had finally found my artistic voice by dumping my emotions into my work, consciously or unconsciously, I had a stride. And then I got sober. I have been weeding out the drama in my life making for less extreme emotional responses. I worried that without drinking I may not be as "inspired" or be able to respond to the world with my artwork the same way. 

It's the exact opposite. I have just as many emotions, I'm just handling them differently and I'm much more self-aware. It still gets dumped into my artwork and I'm far more productive to boot. I'm still "tapping the well" and that has actually shown this year with 2 of my pieces, one I finished and the other is on my loom. "Playing with Fire" started with a sketch of matches I had drawn when I was going through my divorce. I recall sitting at the bar and doodling. I liked this particular doodle of matches. I had scanned it into my computer files so I could easily track it down later, instead of digging through pages of sketchbooks. I found it and used it one of the sample warps for "Yes, And" and it turned out to be a nice little finished piece. I may revisit these matches in a larger work later. The divorce is coming up on it's 10 year anniversary and some similar themes in other personal relationships are arising so I tapped that old well. Luckily it's nothing I have to pour a drink over anymore, I just set sturdier boundaries. 

The current weaving I'm working on also comes from that era of divorce drama. What was real and not real was really spinning out of control, how things were perceived from various parties had completely different stories and recollections. I had never been sure how to tackle the design for this piece because I didn't want to hand draw it, I wanted to play with various fonts like I usually do, but I didn't have the computer skills to do so. Well, when I started working on "Yes, And" it was requested by the church's art board that the words have more movement than my usual designs. So I taught myself what I needed on Inkscape, a vector based program, and was able to move the words for "Yes, And" and then was able to manipulate words for this new weaving. I needed a real, paying, reason to learn that program, and the Universe handed it to me.

This year has been ups and downs but as I'm looking back on it today, mostly ups. This year so far we have taken 2 trips out of state to see concerts (Madness in Seattle and Riot Fest in Chicago), I took a solo trip to see a reunion concert (I Voted for Kodos!) and I also taught again at the Handweavers Guild of America Convergence Conference in Wichita ....so that's 2 trips flying, 1 train and one road trip. I still love my day job, I have a support system in place like I've never experienced before, I have an amazing, kind, understanding huband/partner in a relationship that keeps getting better as we grow together (rather than how they always used to get worse the longer I was stuck with someone). Life is so good, here's to 6 years and one more day....one day at a time.

Black and Grey Wide Bracelet and Earring Variations

I've been working with the color black a lot lately.  Usually I'm super inspired by lots of bright colors and, for no specific reason, black feels very cozy right now.  I do feel like my jewelry stock is lacking in black options and I'm having a tendency to lean toward a black base for my personal style as of late.* It layers with all other colors easily, so, I'm just following my spirit and letting my hands make what they want. 

This is what has come of it. First, a black, gunmetal and grey wide pearl clasp bracelet. In the past I have simply striped the colors with one full row of color at time for this style bracelet. This time I striped the strips every other row by row. I like the busyness of the patterning and I think it turned out stunning. 

Wide St. Petersburg Striped Strips Bracelet

Next is a pair of "huggie" earrings. I really like this style for work, it's simple, clean, a little bit flashy but not dangly. I think I meant to make them a little tighter to the ear but I always end up worrying that it looks too short between the post and the backing so I did an extra row and it made it a little longer and it doesn't "hug" my earlobe. I also have to remind myself that one can't account for where holes are in ear lobes so it may be loose on me but snug on someone else. In any event, I love wearing this style so I made another pair.

Huggie Earrings

Last, I decided to make a new pair of beaded blob earrings. I haven't made any of these in a long time and they're just fun to make and to wear. I hadn't done a pair in this color range, I feel like they always end up having some blue in them so here's a nice change for this style. 

Beaded Blob Earrings

Lets face it, I created this colorway for something new to wear at tonight for Midnight Madness in Ann Arbor. I'll be set up at my friend's meadery, Bløm Meadworks 100 S 4th Ave, Ann Arbor, MI 48104 from 5-11ish. This has been my one pop-up holiday show the past few years and even if I don't sell much I love the vibe, other makers and people that attend this event. A big thanks in advance to my friend Jenn for joining me as it's kind of a long day and it's nice to have company on the drive. 

*Sidenote, Bryan and I were laughing about this a fe days ago because when we first met, he basically only wore black and I barely had any in my wardrobe. I had never seen so many black tee shirts before! Now I'm wearing black a lot more often whereas he's been leaning toward more colorful outfits.

Neutral Green with Fuchsia Leaf Lariat Necklace

I forgot to post about this piece, it's already at the "Made in Michigan" Holiday Show at the Lansing Art Gallery, along with the rest of its matching earrings and bracelets. I decided I hadn't made a leaf lariat necklace in quite some time and I really enjoy this color group so it eventually came to be. I picked away at beading it in the evenings and finished it just before the show's drop off so I completely spaced on posting it to my blog until I ran into the photos. 

See this leaf lariat neckace at:

Reception: This Thurs. Nov. 9, 2023 from 5 - 8 PM

Holiday Webpage: https://lansingartgallery.org/2023-michigan-made-holiday-art-exhibition/

Facebook Event for the Opening Reception: https://fb.me/e/1pdOXENpb

5 Years Sober; One Day at a Time

I celebrate 5 years of sobriety today. I had a really good meeting this morning. I've knit 31 pairs of socks among countless other projects to keep my hands busy during meetings. Now, whenever I "accidentally" buy expensive fancy sock yarn I can confidently tell myself that it's a LOT cheaper than drinking. 

5 years ago I was a mess and I didn't see life ever getting better, I was just trying to get by...and doing it very poorly. I recently reconnected with a friend and found myself saying out loud to her "I didn't ever know that it was possible to be this happy."

Of course, something came up yesterday and it reminds me that I still have a lot of work to do to be better than I was. When I hurt others deeply I also hurt myself. I still hold on to too much anger and resentment in some areas of life. And I'm so tired of hurting and being uncomfortable and anxious. On the other hand the general day-to-day stuff in life has gotten so much easier.

So here's to 5 years sober and making it one. more. day. 

A side note on the bandana in the above photos of my very pretty 5 year coin:

This bandana is the first thing I ever recall winning, I was probably about 6. I've mentioned here and there that we showed horses growing up and I don't recall having an affinity for ribbons or trophies but this piece of fabric always reminds me that I was into a nice cotton fabric even at a young age. I'll always be thankful for the grounding nature fabric and the process of making fabric has always had for me. It's a simple thing but I find nice bandanas so useful. Today I'm wearing it as a neckerchief since it's getting chilly at work but not cold enough for a thermal neck gaiter. 

To thine own self be true.

My Secret Little Crop #3; Super-cropped Cotton/Hemp blend

Backtracking to my summer projects...I can't get enough of this crop top pattern by Jessie Maed Designs. "My Little Secret Crop" knits up quickly and I found some stash yarn I wanted to try for a lighter weight garment...I also wanted it shorter to go with overalls. I started and finished this crop top in June and every time I wore it out it got compliments. 

Out at lunch for a date-day:

Waitress:  I love your top
Me: Thanks, I made it.
Waitress: You did? Do you sell them?
Me: No
Waitress: Would you sell them?
Me: No, I just knit for myself, it takes too long to knit to make it worth selling.
Waitress: ...[clearly disappointed tension]
Waitress: Oh, it even has a crisscross back! [walking away]
Me: It's a pattern on Ravelry if you learn to knit...
Bryan: I thought she was going to rip it off you. 

I thought it looked cute with my work pants, 

it was easy to throw on for a totally different look to grab dinner when I got off. 

I have a bunch of small balls of a cotton/hemp blend that I love. I know I used this yarn in red for the red leaf tunic I made years ago, I'm not sure what I have all this green for. Sometimes when I love a yarn I just buy a bunch, which is probably why this has been sitting in my stash. I have been good about not doing that kind of purchasing anymore, I have more yarn than I'll ever be able to use (yet never what I'm looking for so that's when I buy more). Anyway, the green hemp/cotton blend with a pretty Berroco variegated blend turned out really lovely. I wore this top a lot this summer.

Moving a Macomber Loom; Meet Beatrice

Beatrice all moved in and put together

Well, I wasn't planning on purchasing a new-to-me loom in 2023, but here we are.  Sherri (my now-retired fibers professor) brought up that Anne (another fiber artist who was weaving with me at University of Michigan's Art School way back when) was wanting to sell her 16-harness Macomber loom and I should purchase it. Sherri has brought it up every time we've gotten together over the past year or two. I figured that it would be much more expensive than I was able to afford, but I wanted to be able to tell Sherri I had at least talked to Anne about it. 

Anne wanted to sell it to me at-cost that she paid for it back in 2002, she's taken immaculate care of storing it and it needed a good home. This loom new, with all the extras, bells and whistles she sent along with it would be over 10K and she made me an offer I'd be silly not to take. 

Bryan next to loom as I took it as far apart as possible

Bryan and I went over for a lunch visit and to take a look at the loom, make sure it would (barely) fit in my studio and start planning on how to move it.  No matter how we shifted it, it wasn't going to fit into my Explorer without taking it apart further than I was comfortable with. I took off all the beams, and we packed up what we could to lighten the load for the big moving day. I started thinking of a name for my new loom other than "the Beast" which kept turning into Beatrice in my mind, which is one of my favorite Shakespeare characters. So she was named.

Delilah moved out

I was going to pick it up sooner than later but then the box truck at work was out for repair and I got COVID the week we had planned. The Universe must have know I needed the extra time anyway. In the meantime, about a month and a half, I finished weaving the warp I had going on Delilah, made a rental reservation for the box truck from work, attempted to clean my studio (ha!), moved furniture to make a loom-path through the house. Two nights before the move I bought shoulder harness moving straps and we moved Delilah into the garage...

These shoulder harness straps are amazing. Moving really big heavy things sucks, but this product really made it suck less. For two in-ok-shape 41 year olds we were tired but surprised that it didn't hurt more. We tested the straps before the big moving day with Delilah so I could see what else we might have to move around for the loom-path. Delilah's second back beam is sectional beam which was really the hard part of not taking her beams off, the pointy metal spikes threatened to catch on walls and furniture but we made it out. 

Loom strapped to box truck, 

(we needed to pick up some OSB too, might as well get it while its easy)

For moving truck rental we found it less expensive to rent the box truck from Home Depot because they charge by the hour whereas UHaul charges a flat "daily rate" rate but then has an additional per-mile cost. We were driving to and from Ann Arbor and the mileage was going to be more than double the cost of what Home Depot charges. The box truck was extra large for the loom, but it's the only truck that has a ramp and no way were we lifting this upwards onto a truck bed!

We had to take a break at this point, 

I was getting sore, tired and crabby

Moving  Beatrice in the house was not the same as moving Delilah out. The 16-harness castle plus extra width for this beast of a loom made it juuuust wide enough that it was a struggle to get it through the back 32-inch storm door and then it stuck on the exterior door. I had to take the back door off of the frame (the hinge pins refused to budge for me) and the studio door off the hinges.

Second place we got stuck in the alcove

I was hoping that we would be able to walk her in place in a normal position, but the alcove before the studio was too tight to turn her around. Beatrice is 70 inches wide (longest side) and Delilah was only 48 inches wide...so we backed into the dining room, secured more of the moving parts that I was concerned about and lifted her on her side, repositioned the moving straps and shuffled her in. Beatrice just fits in the space with my mess of shelves all around. I can still move around her, but it's much tighter than with Delilah.

Tied up more and on her side

We got her moved in to the studio and I then waited until my next day off to put her all back together. I found that the beams had been in the wrong places, a spring was stretched wrong, some of it was not making sense and, thanks to google, I happened upon a blog that discussed Macomber looms specifically. Macomber Looms and Me turned out to be a help getting Beatrice put back together correctly.

It's taken me a while to adjust to her size, honestly it's been a bit intimidating. I should be working on a new sample for my "anger piece" but the desire to play with some more complex weave structures is really what I want to be doing so I've wound a warp to play with an undulating twill pattern. Undulating twill was the first thing that came to mind of what I could weave with more harnesses, and it was waking me up in the middle of the night with the need to sort out pattern drafts. I'm so excited to be warping something more complex than usual! 

Second Knit Crop Top: Black and White Stripes

I am so behind on blog updates, I swear, I'm still creating! As we plan for our dressy punk wedding I keep thinking of things I can make to wear to concerts coming up like Rammstein, ska shows and Riot Fest (our honeymoon) so I decided to try a black and white stripe crop-top.  I got it done just in time for the Kill Lincoln, JER, Dissidente concert in Grand Rapids at the beginning of this month.  

Bryan and I both happened to have Friday off before his birthday and it just happened that there was a ska concert in Grand Rapids.  It's almost like it was my birthday, I promise that I gave him other options of things we could do and left it wide open, he picked the ska show. <3  We switched up our usual dinner spot and I introduced him to The Electric Cheetah which I had apparently forgot existed as it's not as close to the music venue as our usual spot, Luna. Bryan rolled a Yahtzee on the second roll and got his Yahtzee dinner for free, plus a birthday cookie. Ultimately things kept turning up Bryan around his birthday so it was a good week for us.

Back to the newly knit crop top; it held up great through skanking, jumping, dancing, sweating. I knit up My Secret Little Crop last year in a more vintage look and wore it all last summer. Being a crop top it still has air flow so it doesn't feel too heavy even though it kind-of is for warm-weather application. I usually don't think of wearing knits like this in the summer, but I'm learning it's all about the shape and styling at the end of the day. I've thrown a lot of "do's" and "don't" of fashion out the window over the years but nowadays I think I'm just dumping all the rules out and setting them on fire.

I really love this crop top pattern by Jessie Maed Designs.  She has a ton of cute patterns and you should check them out if you're a knitter. I kind-of want to start another summer top but I have way too many projects going right now. Also, thank you to Sally for passing along her late mother's stash to me, I'm finding ways to use it while I practice and improve my knitting.  This stripe top is 100% her mother's stash yarn.

Currently most of my free time has been outside working on our gardens (weeding lots!) and picking away at the very time-consuming paint-job that I'm doing on the garage. I'm just realizing that the garden along the door-privacy-fence is filling in in the way I always dreamed of being able to have a decorative garden. So I guess I'm pretty ok at gardening. The garage paint job is satisfying my need to play with colors in the same way that the door fence and my beadwork does. At the end of the day it's really neat to see how the way I design translates into each other. 

MLH 21st Biennial Exhibit at LowellArt Gallery

It's starting to feel like I'm getting back into my old pre-pandemic-groove. Art-wise at least. Everything else in my life seems to be changing but submitting work to exhibits, going to receptions, seeing my weaver-friends feels a bit more like what normal was.  

On Thursday Bryan and I went to The LowellArts Gallery for the opening reception of the Michigan League of Handweavers 21st Biennial  Exhibition. What a beautiful space they have over there!  This show is always great sampling of what the Michigan fiber arts community has to offer.  I didn't get many photos. I'm really working on being more present with less having my phone out. 

I was pleasantly surprised when the awards were announced that I had received an honorable mention for my Evil Eye Bangle. Thank you Barbra Bushey for the award!

Also thank you Helen for purchasing the necklace that I entered. She already has a number of my pieces so I know the Copper Daphne Necklace will be going to a good home when this show is over. 

I'm reminded and humbled that even though I'm not currently producing a ton of my usual artwork, I still have just enough in rotation to feel like I'm staying relevant and keeping my art career going despite my full-time day job, my big personal yard projects and getting ready for our wedding. Life is busy but very very good. 

Spike Stripe Earrings

Lately I feel like I've been knitting more than beading, but when I was between 2 dresses for a baby shower I decided to come up with a new earring design that would work for them. Both dresses have stripes. I have been searching the internet for spike and punk designs a LOT while getting wedding ideas so I figured it was time to try my hand at a large spike drop.  

Black and White Spike Stripe Drop

This isn't a great photo put it shows the rainbow 

sheen in the white beads a bit better.

The black and white dress is the one I ended up wearing, it's been a while since I've worn it and it was fun to have these as a new matching piece of jewelry.

Navy and Silver Spike Stripe Drop

I've never really had a good piece of jewelry to match the other dress which is navy with white and orange-red stripes.  It's been really hard to find a real navy seed bead in the past and Miyuki seed beads has this wonderful deep navy color now.

Between these earrings and someone posting a selfie on social media wearing an older earring design I've been inspired to get into my jewelry pieces again. I have some fun new bead colors that are calling to me now that the weather is turning warm and bright with our gardens.

My First Toe-up Socks, Maybe My Last

Sock knitting. I've recently decided to make the switch to smaller needles (1's) which made my tight cast-on even more problematic.  I spent a lot of time talking to my friends Jenn and Sarah about different ways to get my cast-on looser, I've watched "stretchy" cast-on YouTube videos....nothing seems to be helping. Everything I stitch is so darn tight. 

I noticed that when I cast-off it tends to be a little looser or at least a little stretchier, so, I decided at 20 pairs of socks it was time to learn how to knit socks from the toe-up rather than from the top down. I found knitting from the toe-up to be very different, maybe even awkward. I completely understand the  reasons why some prefer it... but... it didn't help my problem. Moving down to size 1 needles is really the issue here (beyond my tight knitting). I also, finally, have the hang of knitting socks from the top-down, 20 pairs of practice will do that.  I can change, but this is a relaxation-thing so I don't really want to change how I'm knitting socks.  I keep socks as small, portable projects to keep my hands busy during meetings, to find some calm on my lunch break and while I find a little down-time while waiting in a line. I dream of one day having a sock drawer full of hand-knit socks for myself and Bryan. 

Now I can at least say that I've tried it and compared top-down to toe-up sock knitting. I will also mention that the difference between the slipped stitch heel vs picking up the stitch heel is very noticeable to me and I prefer the look of the heel shaping on my top-downs.  

As for my too-tight-cast-on issue, I decided to cast-on with my #2 needles and knit 1 round, then switch to the #1's.  I think this is going to work for me, I'm well into my 22nd pair of socks (to go with a pair of leather platform Converse for this summer). 

I keep saying no more projects but I may have started sampling for another crop-top. Apparently I'm thinking ahead to summer concerts and honeymoon/RiotFest outfits.

#MyBeadingYear How it's Going

At the beginning of this year I made sure to talk about how I try to make very loose plans and goals because I'm so hard on myself when I don't finish things "in time" or "fast enough" so I only hoped to get my current weaving off the loom this year, maybe finished. 

How's that going? 

I stitch a little on the beaded netting which will be the weaving's edge (this portion of the project sits in a 9mm case by the couch for evenings in front of the TV). I haven't been weaving a whole lot since it's been getting nice enough to work outside but I did notice that I'm just past half-way on "Is There a Thing to Which Brings Us Less Joy Yet We Devote More Time."  I've been feeling like I may be playing "yarn chicken" but at the end I'm sure I'll have enough rayon in the colors I had dyed.  Trying to match a dye years later never really works and I designed this so that the "Wi-Fi" pick-up design is repeated on the beginning and ending of the piece.

I'm also beading some ideas for wedding stuff. Lets face it, wedding planning if going to be the big part of my summer which will force me to finish the garage, reroof the shed, cleanup and add-to the door fence and get our gardens under control. My beading has turned to jewelry with spikes and leopard print for bridesmaid ideas; fishnet is also becoming more prominent in my styling process.

I am falling madly in love with the spikes that Swarovski offers. The bangles and dress details are really giving me that dressy-punk look that we're looking for.

So wish me luck on playing yarn chicken this year and getting all the beading done for our upcoming nuptials!

Pink Blend Fishnet Bangle and Earrings

When I finished the first "fishnet" bangle (the "Stained Glass" look one) I felt like it wasn't what I was going for. So I decided to create one with just the pink blend of seed beads.  I like this one a lot better thus I made earrings to match.  

The earring ideas took all different shapes but as I tried different layouts nothing was working.  On the day before Capital City Film Fest's Red Carpet event I created a larger diamond to be the bottom drop for the earrings I ended up finishing and liking. 

I also made a pair of small diamond earrings in the red blend, just so the original bangle design had another color option to go with it. 

As I was getting ready to go to the event I liked both bangles with my outfit so I said screw it, I'm wearing both. Too much? There are never too many beads or bangles for me. Of course, they didn't end up in any photos, but that's how it goes.  :)

Valeta and I back at it at CCFF Red Carpet

Earring detail after I got home